split.

I am feeling very split into two.
half myself and
half someone I don't recognize.

I have a sense that you miss - the whole me.

i am okay...

and i will be okay, and things will get better.

perspecitve

today needs to be the first day of my life.
I need to change my persperctive.

overslept

ran out the door, existed in a fog for hours.

rumpled, crumpled, and...

looking forward to

tomorrow morning, when we can sleep in and snuggle as long as we want.

hard and heavy

I don't know what is up, the planets are aligned, the season has changed, or I am simply exhausted-but I am sleeping as hard as a rock, as deep as an ocean, and as heavy as a elephant.

And I am loving it, I actually feel like I get rest when I wake up in the morning.
Now with that said I still hate getting out of bed.

warm and heavy.

last night you got our warm blanket out...
and we slept heavily underneath it.

underwhelmed...

It seems that we are underwhelmed by our circumstance...and that weighs on us this morning.
It's alright, we will figure it out... and in the process build our life, our family, our home...and it will be beautiful...it already is beautiful and we are just beginning the process,
you and me.

questioning?

you are the only thing in my life that I am not questioning right now.

it is a comfort to know that I am confident in one aspect of my world, loving you.

no idea.

you have no idea how much I want to crawl back in bed and sleep the morning away.
no idea.

irritated...

you were not in bed when i woke up.
i was glad, i could stretch out and be alone.

plus, you have been really getting on my nerves this week.

sometimes you are a spoiled brat and act like i am your maid and servant.
its rude.

so yeah, i was glad you were not in our bed this morning.

already.

I can't believe it is already another day...what happened to the last one???

still need to..

I still need to clean my sheets.
I still need to sweep my floor...
I still need to get my life in order...

Instead of "still needing to"
I am going to try letting go.

who knows, it might work.

yearn...

I yearned and wanted and so desired to get back into bed...
to wrap around this soft skin.


But I didn't.

the day before

5 years ago, this was the day before I married you.
It was beautiful, overnight the trees along the road and ceremony spot had turned fire red...
We awoke to the sounds of the tables and tent being assembled outside...
My mom was somewhere telling someone to do something in order to help make our day just as i imagined it. (thanks mom).
My best friend from college was on her way...

It was a day filled with family and love. (actually a weekend filled with this)
Around 5: 30 we realized we never got our marriage license, and then found out your grandparents forgot on their wedding day 50 years ago too.

Our rehearsal dinner was filled with smiles, toasts, kisses, and wine.
I love looking at the pictures from that nights because everyone is beaming with happiness.

I fall asleep exhausted with the breeze coming in through the windows.
Knowing this will be the last time I fall asleep without you as my husband.

And everyday and night I still am deeply grateful and lucky and happy for this.

l love to kiss you toes

as they wiggle in the early morning.


I haven't decided if that is weird or not... I am not sure that I care even if it is...

sheets.

I need to clean the sheets.

asleep and then awake.

the beginning of the day is as simple as that.

blur soft light

our life is blurring by in the sweetness of this soft light.

friday...

we woke at the same hour in the morning.
there was sweetness in waking together and moving about

wrapped.

i wish those hands were wrapped around me right now.
my body heavy in deep sleep.
your body heavy against mine, in its own sleep.
and those hands so gently touching each other wrapped around me.

i wish.

awoke to reach out to sheets...

I woke up and you were not in bed.
I wished you were.
I wanted to feel your presence.

slept.

today I let myself sleep in because I was exhausted.
but now my body is so stiff and achey that I wish I had gotten up and done yoga as usual.
I really wish I could both sleep in and yoga...
that darn 24 hours thing!